just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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