i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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