I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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