very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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