im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
