tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
