Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
