Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
