True but thats because hes a fetus.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
