He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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