He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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