I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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