you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
