I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
