we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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