she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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