Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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