yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
