Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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