I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
