I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
