I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it's great music for shaving your balls
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
