Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Come on in and take your pants off
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