a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
