..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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