Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Did we literally take a cab across the street
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
