Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
