you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
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