Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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