..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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