If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
