Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
