after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
