Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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