Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
