oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
