we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
