you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
