you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
