when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
tell me about the eggs
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