you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
