I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
