well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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