There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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