We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
