and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
