I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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