I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Ladies don't puke and tell
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
