I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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