I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he thought i was a dude.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
