dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
