i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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